It’s been a fairly good week. Spring finally arrived: the flowers are out, the skies are blue, the water is clear, and our neighbors down the street were sighted sunbathing on their roof. On Tuesday, I went on a hike with one of my house-mate, and got to see some of the natural beauty to the north of Vancouver. Thanks to a break in classes, I actually got ahead on school work for the moment. With only three weeks left, I can look forward to summer…when I will only be taking nine credits instead of 12. Meh…you win some, you lose some.

At the same time, it’s had its challenges. In spite of the opportunity for additional rest, I’ve still found myself consistently exhausted and unmotivated, and certainly not looking forward to finishing school. Like I said last time, this year has been an opportunity to learn both humility, pushing the limits of my intellect, character, and perseverance. It has been hard to realize that I don’t fit as well in graduate school as I thought I would, and hard to be once again without a clear idea of what this is heading towards. I have learned again that I need grace.

At the same time, this past week has also been full of reminders that it is not just me; the world needs grace. I got to visit with two of my high school friends, Jeff and Justin, who made an unexpected trip to Vancouver to visit some friends. We got to experience some of the best Vancouver has to offer: crazy architecture, crystal clear skies and driving sleet (on the same day), massive platters of cheap sushi, etc. However, our conversation made me think. Justin had just gotten back from a tour in Iraq. As the US military finishes pulling out (sort of) after nearly a decade, in his estimation, the sum total of positive change to the nation was the extensive opportunities the US military has had to test new weapons in real time. The entire region is (according to him) a massive booby trap of opposing ethnicities, sects, cultures, and nationalities: Shi’a Muslims vs. Sunni Muslims, Sunni Arabs vs. Sunni Kurds, Shia Arabs vs. Shi’a Persians, everyone vs. Chaldean Christians, etc. I honestly think that Iraq was genuinely well-intentioned: that those who planned it and went in assumed that all that the region needed was exposure to democracy, technology, and economic improvement, and like a happy version of the black plague, the American Dream would spread like wildfire across the Middle East. The very expensive lesson that we have learned is that our attempts to play the messiah and bring about the Kingdom of Heaven almost always play out to our own detriment, and everyone else’s. At the same time, I got updates from two of my YWAM friends that are now serving overseas in some capacity in Panama and the Gambia. It was heartbreaking to hear some of the stories that they told, and more heartbreaking still to realize how helpless I am to do anything about it.

Oddly enough, the “problem of evil”—the difficulty of reconciling the evil in the world with a good and all-powerful God—has never troubled me as much as most people that I’ve talked to. I guess that’s because, looking at situations like these, I’m driven to either belief or despair. One of the more memorable movie quotes that has stuck with me over the years comes from Rudy, the story of Notre Dame’s unlikely football player. At one point, particularly discouraged, he goes to counsel with his priest, who tells him, “You know, in all of my years of ministry, there’s only two things that I’ve learned for certain. 1, there is a God. 2, I’m not him.” Rephrasing slightly, I feel like if there’s one lesson that I’ve been learning throughout this year, it is 1, the world needs a savior, and 2, I’m not him. I’ve had to have some of my micro-messianic delusions beaten out of me.

“But he gives us more grace.” This week, too, has been full of that: nights of restful sleep; good food to eat; good friends to talk to; peace, safety, community. I’m reminded that the world’s suffering is not mine to take on; my place is to joyfully accept the blessing I have been given, and pass it on in whatever way I can.