It has been a good week. A very good week. It’s hard to say exactly why, because nothing about this objective reality has changed. We are still in Ensenada. The base is still disorganized. We still do not know exactly what we are going to be doing. We are still a mix of a wide variety of personalities and backgrounds that do not always easily mix, especially under pressure. Still, it has been a good week.

Probably the most important part of this last week was that we had a really good speaker. Tim Pratt has a long-time affiliation with YWAM, but works primarily with an organization called Orphan Rescue and Relief, which aims at helping the orphans of Liberia and Benin in sub-Saharan Africa.  His topic is somewhat unimaginatively titled “team building,” and from this unpromising start I was not expecting much. What emerged was very different from anything that I would have expected. We spent about two days going over the personalities of everyone in the group. Since my mom has had a fascination with personality tests for as long as I can remember, this was familiar territory for me, and I think that I finished my test in a record two minutes (which, given how much I overthink things, is a bit of a minor miracle in itself). Still, as we were talking about the results from everyone afterwards, it felt like we were able to better understand each other, and for the first time, break through the friendly but relatively superficial conviviality that has basically defined our group so far.

The biggest surprises came on Thursday. Once we had finished talking about all the group’s personalities, we moved on to group activities designed to force us to work together to accomplish goals. This brought some surprises. In the classroom, our DTS is very courteous, deferential, and quiet; the hard part is getting anyone to say anything. However, once we were put in stressful situations (for example, trying to rearrange team members on a balance beam under a time limit), it was interesting how many strong personalities emerged and how hard cooperation became. Tim said that of all the groups that he has done, we were perhaps his biggest “Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde” group: we showed the greatest disparity between our verbal interaction and the way we acted when we were forced to cooperate in activities. This week came at just the right time for me. As you might have guessed from my last email, the hard part about being down here has been that I don’t really feel I fit in. While there are definitely good people in the DTS, there isn’t anyone that I can really say that I’ve “clicked” with. This week reminded me that, while I still don’t know exactly what my place is, God is doing something here that is bigger than me, and will work through us if we’re willing to be used.

Now, being a good week certainly doesn’t mean that it’s been an easy week. In many ways it has been extremely challenging. Our schedule has been a constant reminder of the little-known fact that YWAM actually stands for “You Will Attend Meetings.” On Thursday, for example, between 7:00 AM and 10:00 PM, I never had more than 25 spare minutes together (which was especially frustrating, as there are additional things that we are supposed to do “on our own time,” as if such a commodity existed in this environment.) Now, in situations like Haiti where someone’s life literally might depend on working round the clock, I could certainly justify this kind of schedule. However, when the point of the meeting is sitting on the floor watching a base director in Hawaii deliver a none-too-interesting Bible study via telecast, it seems like this constant activity more serves to kill the “still, small voice” of God rather than awakening us to Him.

Adding to the frustration has been the general disorganization of the base. Twice a week, I have been assigned to help in the maintenance department assisting with projects around the base, which sounds like a noble and necessary thing. However, it is complicated by the fact that (1), we usually have difficulty finding the person who is supposed to give us tasks; (2), when we are assigned tasks, we have inadequate resources to complete them; (3), even if we can find necessary resources, we are given no training or instruction on how to do said tasks; (4), even if we can figure out how to do said task, we have insufficient time to complete it; and (5), said task is usually pointless in the first place. As a small example: last Thursday, we were asked to assemble bunk beds. The problem was that, first of all, we had to waste almost an hour asking five different people who could let us into the tool shed where the bunk beds were; once we did that, we discovered that we were missing key parts of said beds; the only drill bit that was available for the task was designed for going through concrete, which (needless to say) did not work very well on the wood; we were given no instruction in how to do this; and by the time we had finally assembled what we could to do a makeshift job, our time was basically up. I must confess that neither my attitude nor my language was very Christian on that occasion; as my work partner said afterwards, “Well, Michael, if you don’t have the abilities of a carpenter, at least you have a carpenter’s temperament.”

As I was complaining about this to one of my leaders, JP (the Swiss guy), he asked me if I knew why it was that they gave work duties. I replied that I thought it was because they needed stuff to get done. He said that that was not the reason. They did need stuff to get done, certainly; but they gave work duties so that we could learn to practically apply what we were learning in the class. It’s one thing to say that you submit to God and are willing to serve; it’s quite another to be willing to do so, even when you don’t see any purpose. It’s been humbling to be reminded that God doesn’t need my actions, as he is perfectly capable of getting anything done without my help. What he wants is my heart, and my willingness to say “yes” joyfully to whatever he asks. I was reminded of the story of Joshua and the battle of Jericho. In the flannelgram version of the story, the part that sticks out is always the exciting parts: spies running away in the night, city walls tumbling down with the supernatural power of God. What I overlook is that, for six days previous, based solely on the word of some wild-eyed desert prophet, they had wandered around the city blowing horns and making great fools of themselves without any idea why they were doing what they were doing or what the end of the story would be. I realized that my submission to God is usually conditional: I am willing to do whatever you tell me, as long as I know why I am doing it. I am willing to serve, and I like to serve, but I need to feel the reward of working towards some greater goal. What I am discovering is that submission means precisely that. It is unconditional surrender, even if it seems to make no sense, even if it feels pointless, even if it is degrading.

Moving on to prayer requests, this next week promises ample additional opportunities to keep learning this lesson. Every year, Ensenada has a Carnival (which, for the uninitiated sheltered church mice like me, is basically a week-long Mardi Gras, filled with sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll.) This year, for the first time, the churches of Ensenada have decided to partner with YWAM in doing some sort of outreach for this time. What this means specifically for me is that I will be up from 9 PM to 3 AM every night assisting in a café, distributing coffee to the drunken revelers that happen to pass by and probably playing a bit of piano with other YWAMers in a musical ensemble for entertainment. It’s funny, because I can’t imagine a more uncomfortable situation for me if I tried. I am extremely uncomfortable with loud noise, large crowds, partying, late nights, playing music that we have not been able to rehearse. The fact that it is that far out of my comfort zone makes me think that this must be God wanting to stretch me in new ways. However, it represents an exciting opportunity as well as a huge challenge. Please be praying that God will use this, because I know that it will take some active divine intervention to make something cool come out of this.